I have walked with the Lord for over 45 years now and it has always been my habit to spend my early mornings with Him. I love to read His word, I love to hear His voice, I love to feel His peace and His presence. But I have to be honest, it has been a real struggle these past few months. My struggle has not been with spending my time with Him, it has been to believe that I am hearing His voice. This year has been a year of turmoil and so many of the people I care about and love have dealt with trials. Hard, hard trials. Trials that made no sense in many ways. When you add all the trials to the situation going on in our nation, to the things happening in our world, it is easy to become confused. So many people have spoken “peace, peace”, when there really was no peace. I know that confusion is not of God, and yet, I really did not know in many ways what He was really doing, both on an individual level and a global level. I know that I am not alone in this struggle. The Lord has been teaching me the difference between truth, and people’s interpretation of the truth. Many of the things I have been taught over the course of my life were not actually truth, they were merely someone else’s understanding of the truth. So with that in mind, I have been asking the Lord for months now, “what are you doing? Teach me how to pray your will. Help me to understand”. It is not that I did not hear Him, I did, but often what I heard was very different from what I heard elsewhere. So who is right? This morning I sat here once again, reading His word, listening for His voice, talking to Him, and He told me something that I want to share with you. He told me that He sees my struggle to sit here and believe that it is His voice that I am hearing. He told me that He knows I am confused, and yet I persist in sitting here at His feet, drawing close to Him and choosing faith over fear. He told me that by continuing to do that day after day, month after month, I am learning to overcome. I am not shrinking back (Now the just shall live by faith; But if anyone draws back,
My soul has no pleasure in him.”Hebrews 10:38). But then He told me something that surprised me even more. He told me that He has allowed this time of confusion in my life because He wanted to see how determined I am to obey Him, to trust Him, when it would be easy to draw back, to walk away and to give up. He told me that by continuing to come to Him every single morning, I was in fact choosing Him, over my own understanding. I am choosing Him, over my fears. He is a jealous God and He is looking for people He can trust in the midst of confusion, people who will not walk away and become offended, when they don’t understand. The image He gave me was that of a blind man learning to use a cane. He must learn to trust the cane, not himself. That level of trust is very hard because it goes against the flesh. We want, we feel the need, to be in control, but it is necessary to give up that control, even crucial, if the cane is to actually work. I am to a large extent spiritually blind. If we are honest with ourselves, we will admit that we all are. Yes, we have some level of understanding, but none of us see clearly. (“For now we see in a mirror, dimly, (darkly) but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known”. 1 Corinthians 13:12). We do not see what is going on in the spirit realm around us. We might, like the blind man, hear things, even see a tiny bit, and know some things, but we do not see clearly. We must learn to realize that we cannot navigate the spirit realm in the flesh. We must learn to lay aside our natural desire to follow our own understanding, and learn to trust Him, and Him alone. If you have been having this struggle of trying to understand and wanting to giving up, then let me reassure you. He sees you. He knows what you are dealing with and He understands. Don’t give up. Don’t shrink back. Don’t lean on your own understanding. Don’t be like John the Baptist and question who He really is. Don’t be offended. Choose faith over fear. Choose Him over all else because He is trustworthy. He is still in control and He knows the plans He has for you, for us, for this nation and for this world. He loves you and He is a rewarder of those who earnestly seek Him (Hebrews 11:6).