Sometimes life hurts. There are days that it gets overwhelming and I sit at my desk and just cry. It seems like there are so many battles, so many things to pray about, so few answers. The other day I sat here, doing a puzzle, and I just started crying. Why, Lord? Why do we pray and pray, and wait and wait, and you do not answer our prayers? I know that you hear me. I know that you have not turned your face from me. I know you listen to every prayer I pray. Why do you not answer? Then I hear His still small voice, “do you trust Me, child?” Yes, Lord, I do. I choose to trust you, even though it makes no sense. Even though I do not understand.
But even as I heard Him say this, I realized something. If I did not hear Him so clearly, know Him so well, I would have lost my faith in the past two years. The Lord tells us that He tests our hearts. (1Thessalonians 2:4) He has tested me, indeed. Should I share my trials with you? Are they any harder than yours? Everyone has trials in this life. It’s not a competition. We all suffer pain, grief, rejection, persecution, loss, heartache. And we all must wait for answers. And it is in the waiting, that He tests us. It is in the loss, the grief so powerful, one can hardly breath, that we make our choices. Do I get angry and offended with the Creator of the Universe or do I choose to trust Him.
I think of John the Baptist, who sends his disciples to Jesus in Matthew 11:2-10, and has them ask Jesus, “Are You the Coming One, or do we look for another?” The question is rather profound when you consider that this man, John, recognized Jesus when they were both in the womb of their mothers. This same man told the world that Jesus was the Coming One! What happened? Jesus tells us in verse 6, “And blessed is he who is not offended because of Me.”
And there it is! Perhaps you’ve never had someone tell you that God loves to offend us. I wish I was kidding, but I’m not. How else do you test someone’s heart? It is in the offense, in the trial that makes no sense, the outcome that comes out of left field, the phone call that sends you reeling, the rejection you didn’t see coming, that what is hidden deep in our hearts, truly comes out.
I remember years ago, during another season of trial, where it seemed like everything that could go wrong, every thing that could fall apart, did, that I finally lost it one night. I let God have it. Yes, I yelled at Him, I probably used cuss words, I told Him what I thought of Him. We’ve all done it, if we are honest. But His response shocked me: “I knew that was in your heart, and now, so do you!” Wow. He was right. I had no idea because I tried so hard to be good, to be faithful through the trials. I wanted to be a good Christian, to suffer well. But my flesh failed, as it always will. I repented. Malachi 3:2-3 tells us “For He is like a refiner’s fire and like launderers’ soap. He will sit as a refiner and a purifier of silver”. When the refiner’s fire is in your life, it will bring up the dross in your heart. And it’s never pretty. But it is only when we see the dross of our own hearts, that we can truly repent.
And all that brings me to answer the question in the title. How do you build your house on the rock? (Matthew7:24-27) How do you get oil in your vessels? (Matthew 25:1-13).
Both of these parables were a little confusing to me, I must admit. But as I sat here at my desk, talking to Him about my pain, hearing His voice so clearly, asking me if I trust Him, that suddenly I began to understand.
Paul compares the Christian life with a race. In 2 Timothy 4:7 he tells us “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” What was the end goal? To keep the faith. Faith is not a feeling. Faith is in fact, a choice. And it is in fighting the good fight, in continuing and not giving up, that we keep the faith. When life sucker punches you, and it will, do you keep fighting, or do you give up? Giving up means walking away from God, giving in to my flesh and indulging it with distractions, and, blaming God. It is so easy to blame Him, isn’t it? If you believe He’s in control, then you know He could have stopped it. He could have fixed it. He could have changed it. But He chose not to. Ah, and right there, my friend, is the offense! What do you do with that?
Yes, right there is where the test begins. Now all that gunk in my heart comes to the surface. And I choose. I choose to look back at my life and see how He came through. Not necessarily in the way I had hoped or even prayed, but nonetheless, He came through. He was faithful to me and things worked out for my good. So, do I choose to once again trust Him, because I know He is good or do I get offended? Sometimes the test is so bad, that it is hard not to be offended. I’m sure you have your own examples, as I do! But I choose to build my house on that Rock, because His name is Jesus, and He is faithful. I choose to have oil in my vessel, because the Holy Spirit loves me and is right here. He has never left me or abandoned me.
And I do something else with that trial, that you might not have thought about. I will search for hidden treasures in that darkness. (Isaiah 45:3) It is in the secret places, in those dark times of the soul, that we can hear His voice ever so clearly. It is in the pain and suffering, that I hear His voice the loudest. And He shows me things, things I never understood, until I chose to trust Him, when all I saw and felt was pain. And that my friend, is how my faith has grown through these dark days. That is how I have chosen to overcome my fear. The fear that nothing will ever change or be good again. I have learned that trials are for a season. They do not last forever. But what I choose to do during that trial will either draw me closer to Him, or pull me further away. Knowing Him, learning to know His heart, is the most important gift that He can give me and I choose to receive that gift, even in the pain. I admonish you to choose that gift as well.
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